Firstly please accept my apologies for the length of this message...
Its been about 8 weeks since our breakup and although I feel better about everything most days, there are those odd days where I feel so down and start thinking about everything (our relationship and where it all went wrong more importantly why did he end it?!) On those days where I am thinking my mind goes in to overdrive trying to establish what was true and what pushed him to end things It confuses and frustrates me.
We met about two years ago (to the day!) and everything was great. Although I didn't feel the instant chemistry towards him, I soon got to know him and liked what he was about. We went on ONE date and I felt he was quite an intense guy with a serious outlook on relationships. I was at that stage in my life where I was looking for a serious relationship so I felt comfort in this situation, that we were both on the same page. However, after that date, he cancelled on our second date and sent me a text to say he basically wasn't interested and was unsure about me. I left it.
Six months pass and suddenly he is back in contact. In the six months we hadn't been in touch, he had gotten engaged (in the traditional Indian arranged marriage way) and then called things off. He had waited 4 weeks before he got in touch with me. I was reluctant to meet him, but eventually I did to hear him out and generally catch up. He told me everything and apologized for his actions before. I forgave him and we started seeing one another. Everything was great. He was quite consistent with his communication and very keen to be with me. After about 5 months we slept together for the first time. Soon after (about 2 months) he completely cut contact with me. I saw him one evening for a bite to eat and the next day I heard nothing. Days passed and still nothing. I tried calling him and texting him once or twice (I made sure I didn't appear to be a psychotic stalker) and I kept things general and polite. No response. I left it 10 days before I finally sent him a message on Blackberry messenger to basically tell him how lame he had been and it was unfair on me to be treated that way. He read my message straight away and finally responded that night saying that I was being weird and he felt things were getting too serious and that he wasn't ready for commitment etc I was actually lost for words at this point because it was him who chose to come back in to my life?! And we never actually talked about marriage. In fact he hadn't even met my sister at this point, who is very close to me. It had always been about just me and him.After this exchange over Blackberry, he deleted me as a contact. I got the message loud and clear and again left it
I booked a holiday within a week of things ending I went and had an awesome time. On the last day there I get a text from him asking me how my holiday was going. He must have found out I was on holiday as one of his friends had seen me out on holiday and told him straight away I never text back. I get back to London and carry on as normal. I still haven't contact him. A week later my friend is out and she bumps in to him. He goes over to speak to her and tells her how me and him were 'no more'and how I was a great girl (you get the drift) My friend said very little to ease his mind about how I was doing. The next morning he send me a text asking if I had spoken to my friend. I still didn't respond. A whole ten days pass and then his friend calls me telling me how much my ex was missing me and that he was sick of looking at his depressed face all day. Again, I said very little to his friend apart from wishing my ex well and that I had nothing more to say. I kept things polite and even had a little bit of light hearted banter with his friend to keep things casual. The same night my ex messaged me asking how long I was going to carry on ignoring his texts. I didn't reply. The next day I finally replied and said I had nothing to say to him.
After an exchange of messages I told him he had taken me for granted too many times and that talk is cheap. If he wanted me believe any of what he was saying that he would need to prove that he had changed. He vowed to me that he would show me and that he was going to take whatever came his away.
After that, he was coming to see me every other day calling me taking me on dates to some amazing places we went shopping together.He even began to take an interest in ME and what I liked. My birthday was approaching and I was now debating on whether to call him or not. So I did. He came. Alone. And he met all my friends and cousins for the first time. It was a great night. From there it all went upwards and beyond, I was happy and so was he. We then met each others parents (after 2 months) and they also met each other. We spent our first Christmas together as an official couple.
Now here is where it changed he started making comments about a couple of my close friends and about he didn't like them because he felt they were too independent and how they were married but didn't put their his bands first. He also made a comment on how he didn't want me wearing dresses out unless I was with him. He then made comments on how when we got married he wanted to be sure that he would come number one and that he didn't want me going out unless it was for birthdays. He was always asking questions about my ex boyfriend (Who he never met and that relationship ended four years before!!)I wont deny that it put a strain on our relationship because I didn't quite understand how they could be so important to him. So I bit my tongue on many occasions and just reassured him he was the man for me. I did really love him by this point and would have done anything to make it work.
Another twist is that his friends are all so much older than him (at least 10 years) and are married with children. Yet they go out and behave like they are single which I had seen for myself! They have the view that women are house makers and should not go out etc. I began to feel like he was living in his friends shadows and being influenced by them. One of them had made a comment in the past that I seemed like a very headstrong girl and didn't think I would be the type of girl for him to marry. Also, (without sounding too big headed) I am a very attractive girl. In terms of attraction, there was a lot of chemistry between me and him. But he always said he couldn't handle seeing other guys look at me and again, I felt that his friends were making him feel that my looks would land us in to trouble or something. He constantly needed his ego to be massaged. Again, I loved him, so I told him how wonderful he was to me.
And then Valentines comes. We go away for the weekend. It was great. In fact, it was perfect. We were two happy people, away from all our friends and family and familiar surroundings. And we had the best time ever. I was a girl who could not feel the ground. Within the week after Valentines, he began making comments about how he felt I was going to leave him. And also about how he thought I would be OK if we ever ended. I kept reassuring him I was going nowhere and that my life was with him. By this point our families were looking forward to a wedding, although the Indian traditional engagement ceremony had yet to be done.
The following weekend, we are on the phone as usual on a Sunday evening catching up and then he dropped the bombshell. He wanted to end things. He said he could not continue as he felt I deserved better and that he was a 'bad' person. He said I was amazing etc.He even cried! He said he wanted to tell his family the next day that things were over. He had become so sure that he wanted to end things, so suddenly and I was left reeling. I couldn't come to terms with the fact that he had done this to me. Again.
Yes, sure, we argued. Who doesn't? But he used that as an excuse. I know that is not true because when we disagreed, and came to resolve our issues, we did it like adults and let issues rest
We both sat on the phone crying to each other but I knew in my heart it was over
Since then, I have heard nothing. Until last Thursday he messaged me on facebook basically apologizing and saying that I deserved better and I would get it one day
I never replied. I don't know if I should? I know he is bad for me. He never knew my worth in the beginning and I was silly to think he would in the end. The truth is, he never changed. He just pretended to be someone he isn't. But why do I miss him so much? And why am I so sad? And why do I feel the urge to message him back?